Friday, June 17, 2016

Brave when I am angry

This is not something I particularly want to admit but I have been feeling angry lately. A lot. Frustrated, burned out, defeated, ready to give up, angry. 

Brave when I feel angry means admitting it, even when I feel a little bit ashamed of myself for responding to my so-very-good life like this. 

Brave when I feel angry means dropping the defenses, letting my hands fall weakly to my lap and admitting that I'm struggling right now. That I totally lost it with my son and was strait up harsh with my daughter. 

I feel a little bit like I'm drowning in kids and what I feel is rage. I'm super-frustrated by how quickly the days are going by and how little is getting done. I'm exhausted by the 24x7x6 parenting that I am doing by myself because my husband is working long hours right now. 

I keep asking God "What does it mean to be brave in this moment?" For me, right now, it means to go to God, openly honestly and allow myself to be comforted. I expected Him to be mad at me for being mad at my kids, but instead the Holy Spirit offered comfort. 

Now I need to turn around and offer that comfort to my kiddos.

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