I have a lot in my heart right now, a lot on my mind, a lot of questions that aren't any closer to getting answered than a couple of years ago - stuff about moving (houses and school districts), stuff about school (see previous) stuff about writing... I've been praying a lot about it lately, asking for direction. I've been asking God to show me which way to go. But I just don't feel like I have a clear idea of what I should be persuing and where I should just let go.
My song in this season is Lauren Daigle's "Trust in You" because I believe that at the heart of what it means to be a Christian is a surrender of everything and a trust that God really is leading and guiding and working for my good. It can be hard because I have the fear of wasted time, of wasted potential, of missing whatever it was God was trying to tell me. And I want God to show me clearly, like now.
The other day I read something in "Looking for Lovely" by Annie F Downs that has really stuck with me, she was at a similar place in her life and she felt God remind her "trust the path" that God will lead when the moment is right and not to demand to know everything ahead of time. Be in this step, do what's right in front of you and trust God with the next step. And so that has become my motto for this season. I'm gonna "trust the path" and keep surrendering my ideas of what should or would be best, and keep on trusting. I don't know what is ten steps ahead but I do know what to do now. I have my kids and my husband and my friends, I can do this here. I know what to do with what is in my hands right now. I don't know if there are things I should be picking up or things I should be letting go of I don't feel a clear sense of direction about my future but I know what I need to do with today.
I'd like to be looking for houses because that it was makes the most sense to me, but you never know, not moving might be the best thing that's happened to our family, which is hard for me because I was ready to move out of this place about three months into our lease, and because the high school in the next district over seems so much better suited for my girls, but here I sit, waiting, praying (and checking the Zillow search I set up) and waiting some more to see what God does.
BTW have you heard the song "Note to Self" by Ben Rector? If you haven't heard the album (it's on "Brand New") yet you really should. It has almost nothing to do with this post, but I really think you'd like it.