Friday, October 30, 2015

31 Days of Brave: Day 30 - brave with my future

I am someone who tends to be oriented towards the future. It's pretty natural for me to be dreaming and making plans, hoping for good things to come. But the reality is also that the present has sucker-punched me a couple of times, so it's easy to adopt a new attitude towards the future. One of fear.

I do not want to operate in fear. Not ever. I don't want to make decisions out of fear. I don't want to respond to other people in fear. Fear is the opposite of love and I want to choose love. Every time. That means I have to un-choose fear. Ugh. I totally struggle with that. Fear pops up all over the place, like mushrooms after a long rain. There they are. I have to see it, and choose something else. Choose love.

Another attitude I sometimes have about my future is one of status quo. Now that I'm in my thirties I feel a little bit like I'm on a fast track and can't get off. I feel like now that this life track has started there's no going back... I feel like I have no choice. I feel like I'm locked in. Sometimes this is kind of awesome. My oldest will be going to high school soon. There's a lot that I want to have in place for her. I don't want to move while she's in high school. I want her to have a shot at getting into a good college.  Sometimes I feel like my life now simply one of inertia - an object in motion tends to stay in motion and all that jazz.

I forget that I'm in the middle of my story. I don't know what God is doing or where He is leading or when He will interrupt. I want to be willing. I want to be ready. I don't ever want to be so entrenched in my own expectations that I can't hear Him leading me somewhere new or see the door opening in front of me.

He has been dropping all kinds of dreams into my heart. Sometimes when I'm worn out from everyday life and forget to water those dream-seeds I feel like those things are just wishful thinking.  I hold these dreams close to my heart. It's hard to even say them out loud because that way it won't be so heartbreaking when they never happen. Brave whispers not to give up hope and to have faith in the middle-places. 

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