Monday, October 12, 2015

31 Days of Brave: Day 12 - In the middle

I think a big turning point in my journey with finding my brave came when I listened to this sermon. (You can watch the video here) I was in full-on spiritual exhaustion and walking through this season of feeling like I was slogging through the mud instead of walking on the water. The sermon was basically about believing God when we are in the middle.

But let me back up....

It was a Saturday night, I remember this moment so clearly, it was just a few weeks before school started again and I was putting clean sheets on our bed after Eli had wet our bed the night before. He'd done this more than once that week and I was feeling exhausted on every front, frustrated with Daniel, with the day, with this year, feeling like I was back down to the last little frazzled bit at the end of my rope. I remember praying in this moment - God I need some fresh perspective soon. I can not keep going on like this. I'm not asking you to change my circumstances right now, but I desperately desperately need a better perspective. 

The next morning I hauled my hugely pregnant self out of bed, just going through the motions of getting everyone to church on time, trying not to yell, trying to stay on track. Then this sermon began and it felt like it was spoken directly to me. It was one of those this changes everything moments for me. It was one of the few sermons I re-listened to at home a couple of days later. It was one of those moments when I knew that God was hearing me, seeing me and had not abandoned me here in the mud.

In these middle seasons, while we are waiting on God to break through in our lives it's easy to feel like He has abandoned us, like He has forgotten about us. Our theology might tell us that's impossible, the verses we've taped to our mirrors or saved on our phones might tell us better but in our hearts it feels like God has totally disappeared and we kind of flail around in this middle space. Here is the truth out hearts need to hear in these middle spaces:

God is already at work.

This is something I have prayed over my circumstances so many times. I have thanked God for the house that He has already moved to provide, even if I haven't caught up to Him yet, and don't know where we're moving or when and the stress of trying to get my ducks in a row is threatening to overwhelm me.  I have believed that God is working on the lives of our family and that I'm just waiting on the timing, like a timer, or the like the threads of a safe - when everything is in alignment it will click open.

In my darkest moments of doubt I wonder how if God is able to do anything why is nothing changing? If God is willing to act on my behalf why is everything falling apart? Here is the truth my heart needs to hear: God is already at work. He has already moved on my behalf. From the very first prayer, from that very first tear, He has already moved. I'm just waiting on timing...

continue reading... in the middle part 2

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