Monday, October 5, 2015

31 Days of Brave: Day 5 - all I have is ashes

I was driving home from church one evening, early this year, praying out loud for the first time in a long time.

My small group had just completed our first service project and I was amazed at what a big project our small group had been able to pull off. None of us had a lot to bring. None of us had a lot of money to put towards the project, none of us had a lot of time, but together we managed to feed the entire staff of one of our local elementary schools. I was in awe. During the weeks of planning I had definitely had my moments of doubt, you never know how these things will pan out, in our case it succeeded above and beyond what I had hoped for. It was an amazing experience and bolstered my faith. 

I was thinking about the story in the New Testament about that time that a small boy brought his packed lunch to Jesus and through his small offering Jesus fed an entire crowd. Our experience had felt like that. I prayed out loud in the car that evening "God, I have less than that little boy. I don't have a little bit of lunch. I don't even have empty hands. All I have is ashes." 

In seasons of heartache and fear all I have to offer God is hands full of ashes. All I have is a heart full of fear, anger, hurt, bitterness, doubt and frustration. I desperately want to be filled with love and light and faith but if I'm honest I feel like I'm drowning in doubt and darkness.  

Here is the beautiful thing - as I look at my dirty hands and back up to the face of my Father He reminds me "this is who I AM. I am the One who makes beauty out of ashes. I am the God who raises an army out of dry bones. I am the God who embraces you in all of your mess and brokenness but I don't leave you there. I washes you with My Word,  I clothe you in the wedding gown of grace. I set your feet on the rock." 

We do not have a Savior who can not sympathize with our weakness. We have a Redeemer who has walked these broken roads among our broken hearts. He doesn't ask us to come with our abundant "wisdom" or strength or even faith - he welcomes us in our brokenness, our emptiness our mess and junk. He embraces us and does amazing things shining light in the darkness.

back to the beginning

continue reading... in brokenness and imperfection


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