The last couple years have felt like hitting bottom, only to find the bottom break and I come crashing down. Last year felt like it was impossible to get through, felt like it could not possibly get worse. Now here I am pregnant and as much as I want to savor these months I am just miserable. I can't sleep, I'm in pain most of the day. I've been having awful headaches (not blood-pressure related, thankfully!) and I've been having Braxton hicks contractions since 14 weeks, sometimes all day long, often radiating into my back.
There are often times when I'm crying out to God asking where He is in all of this? Sometimes he draws near in comfort, then there are times when He breaks open all the places of fear and unbelief.
I feel like at the beginning of the year God called me to be brave and walk out into the oceans, and then the tide went out and here I stand in the mud. There's nothing brave or beautiful about this place that I'm standing. It's just mucky and hard to move. It's ordinary. It's frustrating