I struggled with the accusation that I was writing like one of those gloomy Christians. Feeling like a failure I thought about taking it down or just reducing the number of words.
I got in my car and headed to the grocery store with all these words words words... and as I turned the radio on the song "Oceans" came on and I remembered writing about how I wanted to go DEEP with God this year. Taking steps that are bold and far out of my comfort zone.
I felt God remind me that I can't carry the weight of perfectionism out onto the deep water.
The reality is that this is where I am. In the middle of a long, brutal, soul-crushing trial. Knowing that trials are necessary and that even though they hurt they really are doing something good in me gives me hope.
The reality is that anyone who puts anything out there is going to have to battle perfectionism. If we wait until our words are perfect we won't say anything at all, at least nothing bold and brave. Excellent, yes. Perfect, no.
So I'm going to keep on writing, pushing forward, getting better. Letting go of the fear of what people will think when they see my cracks and imperfections. When they spot the gaps and see my deficiencies. I just have to let it go and keep moving forward into the person that God has made me to be. More clearly, brighter, bolder.