I met a friend at Panera and we talked over coffee about how raising our big kids is just a different flavor of hard, and talked about trusting God and having faith in our season of waiting.
On my way home I texted another friend. She texted me back saying "do you want to come eat lunch at my house?" So I stopped at the grocery store for sushi and sun chips and Eli and I ate lunch with her on her back porch with her sweet girls. Now I'm sitting here on my bathroom floor as Eli takes a bath, writing and thinking this is amazing.
See after Eli was born I spent almost an entire year in my pajamas at home. I remember going from Sunday to Sunday without even walking out my front door. Before then I used to spend most of my days at home, so today feels epic. It reminds me how far I've come. Today I feel full. Full of grace and strength, insight and revelation from God. Today is a good day. Today I am not afraid of the backlash or the downswing. I know it'll come, it always does, but today I'm not afraid of it.
I believe God has prepared me, and that his plans for me are not delayed.
Looking back over this weekend I can see God doing a lot of things in my spirit, re-kindling my desire to spend time with him in his word. But most especially I saw him re-igniting my HOPE.
I believe God sees me.
He knows everything about me.
He sees every tear, every heartache, every moment I think I can't take anymore.
I bellieve that God delights in me.
I believe that I am his precious child.
I believe God's plans for me are good.
I believe God has a purpose for every step of my story.
I believe God is right on time.
I believe that with God there is no plan B.
And while I might not be living the story that I wanted, or would have chosen, I believe that my story brings Him glory and that is a beautiful thing.