Sunday, October 19, 2014

Day 19 - healing and growing

This is Day 19 of my 31 days of writing series called "Confessions of a Road Kill Christian" If you haven't read Day 1 yet you can click here first. I am linking up with #write31days. I hope that through this series of posts we'll be encouraged by who God is and who He says we are in Him.

Thank you for praying for me over this weekend. This is one of the photos I took during the conference, and it is one of my favorites. This was about what the weekend was like: full-on worship, lots of crying, lots of time to connect with newer friends and get to hug my friends at church who I've known a long time but now that my church has grown to three services I don't get to see every week. It was a powerful time of ministering and being ministered to. And my photography didn't turn out all terrible either, so that is a relief. It was my act of worship during the conference to sing my love song to God with pictures. As a photographer who doesn't work as a photographer anymore I had forgotten a little bit about what it felt like to use my camera with love. Not for the compliments or the money but for the love of capturing a moment that would otherwise be lost, for being who God made me to be fully whatever that might look like...  I have so much to share from the conference, a lot of what was shared there applies to what I've been writing here but today is a day of rest. What follows was going to be the second half of this post (day 17) when I realized that the post was already crazy-long and this part could be a post in it's own right...

DSC_1432 I've written over the last couple weeks about the story of my journey, about my epic fail and today I wanted to share some of the things that have helped me in my journey of healing:

I joined a good church. 
Not perfect - the leaders are ordinary people like me and they sometimes make choices I don't agree with or do things that don't make sense to me, but they are my family and being submitted to my spiritual leaders has given me a measure of spiritual covering that I hadn't experienced before. This was huge. When I finally realized that God has called me to become a member of my church and I submitted my heart I almost immediately felt a change in the spiritual attack I had been experiencing. I could feel the covering and spiritual protection that being in a good church provided for me. 

I engaged in community.
I've written about this before but I showed up at my small group leader's home a wreck with five kids, including a newborn baby and she and her family opened up their home and their lives to me and together with the other families in that group we formed community. We lived honestly together and shared in the ups and downs of each other's lives. This gave me an opportunity to care about somebody's problems other than my own. It was also an opportunity to see that even couples who are unified in their faith still struggle sometimes and have bad days. This was huge for me. It put my struggles in perspective and reminded me that it wasn't the end of the world if Daniel and I had a bad day.

I began serving. 
This was just so good for me. God really uses these moments of ordinary obedience to work His healing in my life. I have loved serving at my church. Even though all I do is keep a nursery class, it keeps me engaged, committed and involved. God has blessed this times a million, I don't consider it a sacrifice even a little bit, I consider it a blessing. 

These baby steps of commitment have, over time, snowballed into a beautiful thing. I love my life right now. It's got it's hard moment and it's tricky spots but I rejoice in the healing and hope that God has given me after so many years of struggling. I know that the Holy Spirit will lead you to your place of hope at the proper time as you continue to follow Him. 


  1. I'm glad that you could start serving. You learn a lot from God and others by doing this!

  2. This is beautifully written.You have offered some great advice for people who need support and we all do!

  3. Yes! I believe church should be a place where all those things you mentioned happen but I don't think that is always the case. You have found a wonderful church home; I can hear that in your posts! What a blessing! And that pic from this weekend is really really cool!

    1. Tara - would you mind clarifying? What did you mean when you wrote that the "church should be a place where all those things you mentioned happen but I don't think that is always the case." Do you mean, sometimes people find their healing outside of church? Are some churches causing the hurt instead of bringing the healing? TOTALLY see that happening. I know I am really really blessed in my church home. I know a lot of people are still waiting and wandering trying to find their church home, others are struggling wondering if they need to go ahead and leave their church home because it's an unhealthy place... just wondering what YOU were thinking when you wrote that :)

  4. Sadly I think sometimes church is a place where the hurting occurs.

    1. Yes. Totally agree. It is heartbreaking. I've been there, many times. It can be so hard to see in the moment but sometimes the church is the greatest cause for hurt instead of being an instrument of healing.


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