Monday, October 13, 2014

Day 13 - starting over

This is Day 13 of my 31 days of writing series called "Confessions of a Road Kill Christian" If you haven't read Day 1 yet you can click here first. I am linking up with #write31days. I hope that through this series of posts we'll be encouraged by who God is and who He says we are in Him.




When we moved to Augusta I was a full-on mess. I was having panic attacks and was suicidally depressed, yet I was trying to homeschool two out of my four kids and transition to a town that felt like it might as well have been on the other side of the world, while my husband began a stressful job that needed him to work very long hours. I didn't know anyone here except for one other woman whom I had met before our moving process. She was truly Jesus' hands and feet to me in that moment. She invited me to her church - and before I knew it I had a church home.

I remember sitting there one week, during a sermon series called "Storms" about how we all face season of life that are hard. I asked God to show my the condition of my heart and He did. It was storm-wrecked, like after a hurricane. The storm was over but my beach was destroyed. 

I remember this as being a first moment when I realized that I couldn't put my life back together on my own. I saw Him cleaning up the wreckage of my broken heart and broken dreams. I was beside him, participating, but he was doing the heavy lifting. It reminded me of a verse I had run across a few years earlier:

 “Fear not, for you will not be ashamed; be not confounded, for you will not be disgraced; for you will forget the shame of your youth, and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more. For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called. For the Lord has called you like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit, like a wife of youth when she is cast off, says your God. For a brief moment I deserted you, but with great compassion I will gather you. In overflowing anger for a moment I hid my face from you, but with everlasting love I will have compassion on you,” says the Lord, your Redeemer. “This is like the days of Noah to me: as I swore that the waters of Noah should no more go over the earth, so I have sworn that I will not be angry with you, and will not rebuke you. For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you.  

O afflicted one, storm-tossed and not comforted, behold, I will set your stones in antimony, and lay your foundations with sapphires. I will make your pinnacles of agate, your gates of carbuncles, and all your wall of precious stones. All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children. In righteousness you shall be established; you shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear; and from terror, for it shall not come near you. If anyone stirs up strife, it is not from me; whoever stirs up strife with you shall fall because of you...no weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed, and you shall refute every tongue that rises against you in judgment. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord and their vindication from me, declares the Lord.” (Isaiah 54:4-15, 17 ESV)

When my heart is broken and my life is a mess - it is God who puts my back together. I put all of my trust in Him. He will not leave me or fail me. He will establish me, even if right now I feel like I am in ruins and wonder if I can ever be re-built.

I have watched God rebuild my life. He has put me back together from that shattered place and I can testify that I like who I am now better than who I was before the hurricane of grief wrecked my shores. Now I have more compassion, hopefully more humility and a greater desire to be a person of honesty and openness. God has already done more than I could have asked or even imagined. He can do the same for you.

1 comment:

  1. I really loved reading this passages of scripture. If felt so personal to you and your story. I am so amazed how God speaks directly to our hearts through the Bible. What a God. What a story. What faithful God!

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