Thursday, March 6, 2014

Weeping Forward

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Eli is asleep, the house is quiet and I'm just pouring out my heart about our move. I've put some photos in this post that I took the other day... so feel free to just look at the pictures, or just read - they don't necessarily need to go together. I've got so many silly ones to share but for now here are these...

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Thursday mornings are my small group days. I meet with some super sweet women and we talk about motherhood and life and God and sometimes we talk about our Bible Study too...
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These days are bittersweet for me. They are sweet because these women are some of my favorite people in the whole world. I get to see see their kids and chat with them, plus I get to hang out with one of my very best friends ever and listen to her lead with gentleness and grace with her eyes fixed on Jesus instead of on herself. She leads with so much humility and openness that it encourages openness and honesty from everyone around her and makes small group not just an exercise in filling in the blanks but in truly encouraging each other in our walks with God.
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But they are bitter because I'm moving - and every week someone has had to remind me of it!! (I love you anyway) Honestly, I don't want to talk about it. Don't want to think about it. I am open to the possibility of a miraculous turn of events that results in us not leaving, but I am not counting on it. I'm emotionally overwhelmed and a little shut down. Just trying to get through the next couple of weeks when Daniel moves to Atlanta, which makes us all cry every time we talk about it.
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In the Ruth Bible Study I did with my small group last summer (the one by Kelly Minter) I learned a term that I am adopting for this season:  weeping forward. In this season, from here to whenever we move and on after that, that is what I am going to do.
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I weep because He has been so good to me. He has given me an amazing church home where He has taught me a lot about what it means to be in a diverse, growing church family.  He has given me so many different friends who fill different holes in my life. Loud talkative friends who organize social events, quiet friends who let me get to know them well, friends I can depend on and friends who have had to depend on me. Friends I do ministry with and friends I do ministry for. Friends I serve with occasionally, friends I serve with all of the time. Older, more mature friends and younger friends and friends who are in the same stage as I am who get me. He has given me so much healing from my depression through all of this community and serving. Seriously, looking back, serving has been the most healing thing I have ever done.
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I weep forward because I am confident that God would not ask me to leave behind all of the good things He has given to me here in Augusta if He was not planing to do better, greater things in and through and for and with me in Atlanta. Which is almost impossible for me to even imagine. He has blessed me so much it is hard to even think that there could be better work for me to do than what I am doing now, or that He could bless me in any way that is greater than what He has done for me here in Augusta. But I choose to believe this because I know who God is. He is so good to His children.  His plans are good and they give hope. 
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I'm writing this here because I want to remind myself of this in a week or two or three, as I'm struggling to not rush ahead or lag behind. I want to remember to have this confidence in God. But I'm also writing this because I know I'm not the only one facing this type of situation. Transition is something we have to be good at in our modern world - it's something we all do a lot of over the course of our lifetimes. So I'm writing this to you too - whoever you are, whatever you might be going through. As you leave behind the place or the season that blessed you so much let's have hope together and a strong faith in God's power at work to bless us far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us,  to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
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