Monday, March 31, 2014

Week 3 update


This week started in disaster. Monday morning came and I was an exhausted, raging, hormonal Momzilla with tired sulky kids. 

And then my mom came.

And I just want to sit on the floor and cry at God's goodness to me. 

That he would remind me to ask for help, several weeks ago before Daniel had even left for his first night, and that we would plan for her to come right when I needed her most, without even knowing it. It's such a small thing. Such a small thing for God to care about or even notice. But such a huge reminder to me of God's compassion for His children.

My mom was a such a help to me. She was that extra set of hands to help, and extra set of ears to listen, that extra word that was needed. She played endless games of "deep in the middle of the dark dark wood" (aka hide & seek under a blanket) with Eli. She listened to Josiah read his book from school. Sat with Emma and helped her finish her entire weeks worth of math homework in about twenty minutes. 


We sat in the sunshine together. Drank iced coffee together. Laughed at Eli and reveled in the wonderful thing that is a laughing toddler. Went to the mall and wandered around William Sonoma together, like kids in a candy store. And the words "you're doing a good job" as she left meant more than I could ever say.

Her presence this week has been a reminder of the reality behind this verse:

"...God will never let you down. He'll never let you be pushed past your limit. He'll always be there to help you come through." (1 Corinthians 10:13MSG)

Sometimes He does this by giving me more strength, more grace, more patience, more peace. Sometimes He does it by giving me help just when I didn't think I could go on.


Eli has been totally adorable this week. He pretended to be a dinosaur. He pretended to be a pirate. He pretended to be a super hero. He pretended to turn me into the Ghost of Captin RedBoots. Once he tried turning me into a baby. He loved that.

Playing with his play sand. Which he also calls his "dirt" it always makes a huge mess but he loves it and it keeps him contained. 


After my mom left I was back to excruciating exhaustion. Grasping for gentleness like my life depended on it.  Clinging to the glimpses of perspective I found when my mom was here. Constantly reminding myself that God is working something beautiful in my season of brokenness.

Thursday felt somewhat like taking a step across a line in the sand. I cried a lot. I talked to my best friend. I listened to the radio and took the long way home from small group and cried some more. But I found my peace in God's provision for me, in everything. It is always Him, always. So why should I be anxious now?  

This weekend we took another trip to Phinizy Swamp. It was the perfect weather for it! Sunny but not too hot, with a cool breeze coming off the pond. 
My family in front of the silohs at the swamp.

Which provide amazing shadows for smart lighting.
#selfie #photobomb
We packed a lunch including "big red ripe strawberries" which Eli insisted we save from the big hungry bear.

On the other side if this fence was the biggest alligator I've ever seen up-close. It was an amazing thing to see it swim toward us. That was all my littles wanted to do.
This was totally staged.
Heading home.
It went better than the last time. There was still plenty of complaining etc. but this time there were no major blisters or tears.  

This weekend we also went to the mall. Where I got a perfect iced coffee from Starbucks, and some scented tea lights from The Yankee Co. 
Next week is our spring break! (We have a slightly different spring break schedule here because of the Masters golf tournament taking over the city.) I'm looking forward to turning off all of the alarms on my phone, staying up late watching movies with my girls, going to see my sister and just generally loving on and enjoying my kids as much as I possibly can.

My goal next week is simply to let
Let this season continue to have God's way in my heart
Let it go when thing's don't go how I think they ought to go.
Let it be whatever this season needs to be, even if that means cereal on the sofa watching Dancing with the Stars. (Yes, that has been us. We are totally hooked) It's okay. It's not the end of the world. It's not going to be perfect. It will get better.
Let myself feel the heartache of living without my husband Monday-Friday, let myself feel exhausted, overwhelmed and loosing. my. mind - then let that bring me to Jesus. When I am weak He is strong. I don't need to buck-up. I don't need to be hard. I can weep forward. I can trust in Him even when I don't understand what He is doing right now.


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