Daniel left on Sunday afternoon to start his new job in ATL. Every day since then has felt like a week. Thankfully we will get to see him every weekend cause I can not wait for him to be back home. I am physically and emotionally exhausted and overwhelmed - and it's only Wednesday!
The days are hard - and that has been a surprise because not much has changed about our days, Daniel is usually gone - but there is something hard about not being able to look forward to seeing him at the end of the day, not having the chance to grab a quick lunch or maybe seeing him in his work truck as we pass each other near his office, or when he stops by the house to drop something off or pick something up. These little things make my heart so heavy.
The nights are, of course, the hardest. We have been able to use Facetime to see Daniel each night. Last night Daniel comforted Eli and pretended to kiss his boo-boo. So sweet!! Eli felt so much better. I'm so thankful for technology like this, but in some ways it only makes me miss him more.
It is amazing to me how just his presence in the next room makes me feel stronger. How just that one word to the boys or laugh with the girls makes the biggest difference.
Night time is when I tend to loose my cool - and I hate that, because I'd been doing better about being gentle. Right now I don't feel like I have the strength to be gentle. It's easier to be angry when my kids don't listen. It's easier to explode when things start to snag.
Whatever little piece of me that was looking forward to having Daniel gone so I could get random projects done - gone. I only want him back home with me.
My friend (who is in a similar situation) told me that the first week was one of the hardest for her. I hope so. I still have not hit my stride. This still feels excruciating. It feel like so much pressure! But I know, deep down, that this is the kind of pressure that forms character. So I'll take a deep breath and hope this gets easier, or at least that I get better at it.