Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Missing him today

Today my baby brother would be turning 21.

This a photo of me, holding Ian at the Hospital the day after he was born.

Only on January 1st 2009 he shot himself and died.

Ian at Emma's 2nd Birthday party

I miss him SO much. Especially around his birthday. He was a fantastic uncle to my girls and he would have loved wrestling with my boys. I hate that they have to grow up without knowing him.

It's really hard loosing a brother to a suicide. Simple questions like "how many siblings do you have?" are now really difficult to answer. Sometimes it feels like it would be easier to re-write the story of my childhood. Only tell the stories about my sisters. Never talk about the brother that I lost.

But then my kids are ugly to each other. They say words I hope they really don't mean and I tell them, with tears in my eyes, about the importance of family and how special each sibling is in a family.

scrapbook page


  1. :( Suicide is one of the worst deaths to deal with too. Sorry for your pain. :(

  2. Love you so much...
    I am trying to stay focused on the ones he left behind; not always grieving over what will never be...


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