There are library books scattered on the floor. My kids are taking turns doing math drills on the computer and reading books in their beds. In all of this chaos I wonder how I'll ever find stillness.
This morning Eli was up half an hour before my alarm would have gone off. (So much for sleeping in while the kids are on school break.) I sit and sip coffee and add a row to my afghan. I read my devotion for the day and I add a few more lines in my gratitude journal too.
Thankful for Eli, playing happily in his pack n play.I think about what a good day we had yesterday and pray for grace to make this day good too. Thankfully this morning starts slowly and peacefully. The littles watch a Barbie movie we checked out of the library yesterday as one by one everyone wakes up and joins them on the couch. But the movie ends and the morning explodes. I'm shocked by how grumpy I sound. Kids start screaming at each other and I have to choose how I am going to respond.
Thankful for the Signing Time DVD that keeps his attention and helps give me a moment to wake up.
Thankful for a few minutes with Daniel before he has to head out the door for work.
I try to find quietness, I choose to be still. I take the hand of my screaming-mad child and put her on my lap. I tell her how glad I am she is home today I just hold her and wait until she calms down and we talk about why she got mad.
This is it.
I go make myself another cup of coffee, I hold onto this feeling, this calm. I don't want to ever let it go. I smile at my little miracles, who leave their wet towels on the bathroom floor and dishes on the table and generally make me both love and hate my life. Thankfulness calms my grumbling, sleepy heart.
I've started this habit as I kiss my littles goodnight, especially with Josiah. I hold him in my lap and ask him "what is one good thing that happened today?" "Nothing." his grumpy, sleepy self replies. "Tell me one thing" I ask again, and kiss him on his head. He starts with one but almost never leaves it at that. I should try to remember this and write them down in a book for him. I wonder if his grown-up self would laugh at the things he is thankful for tonight - Josiah is thankful for his yummy dinner and for his sister who let him wrestle her before dinner. Later I ask Katie-Abigail the same question, her answer mirrors her brother. One good thing that happened today? Wrestling with Josiah. I smile and hug her tighter. These are my golden years. I don't want to let the mess and frustration and exhaustion and distractions steal away my joy in these days.
I've been reading the 1000 Gifts devotional on the kindle app on my phone. I've been reading about slowing down and seeing God's grace in the ordinary moments of life. Grace in siblings playing quietly, grace in patient discipline, grace in smiles and laughter. Grace in the mess too.
Yesterday I mentioned finding a quiet moment, I wanted to share some of the scriptures that weave together to say loudly to my soul BE STILL. Words I need to hear. Verses I want to remember: Psalms 27, Psalms 46, Psalms 127:1-2, Psalms 130: 5-6, Ex 14:13-14, Is 30:18, Lam 3:21-26
Linking up this photo with Project 52 Sweet Shot Tuesday