Saturday, October 13, 2012
Exhaustion is my new normal. I feel like I've spent the past eleven years of my life between various degrees of sleep deprivation and exhaustion.
But exhausted doesn't seem to be the right word for the degree of tired I've been lately.
Two trips to Atlanta in two weeks did me in. Plus my boys have been taking turns waking me up at night - usually between the two of them I am up at least three times between 12am and 7am.
I'm really tired.
Achy legs and stiff joints tired.
I move through the day at half-speed
trying to squeeze in a few minutes of nap
but five year olds are not great nappers
so that doesn't usually happen.
The other day I was sitting with Eli
he was taking a bath - which is one of my favorite moments of the day
because it is a hiatus from the constant demands of following him around all day
I was mentally complaining to myself about how tired I am
when the realization washed over me
there is blessing in this too
in every season
in every situation
in my greatest need
in my darkest hour
there is blessing here
I have been looking for it
searching for it like treasure
the blessing in this season of exhaustion
holding it close
reminding myself of it often
Sometimes I fight the season
strive and struggle
furiously run in circles
trying to make up for my lack
busy busy busy
and miss the blessing
The blessing of this season
learning to let
to let the day be what it needs to be
in scrapping the plan for the day
and just be
in the moment, with my babies
When I feel strong and capable
when I am rocking my to do list
it's hard to just be
it's easy to go and go and do, do, do
But some days are just meant to be
some days I have to just let
and there is power in the letting
and blessing in learning to ask for help
I hate it
but have to do it when I'm in this season
when I'm face to face with my lack
Asking for help is important
humbling myself and saying
I need you
So I'm glad that I finally got a full night's sleep and have more energy today and I think I have a better perspective on what is important. I want to embrace this day and not fight this season, whatever it is, and find the blessing.