Saturday, October 13, 2012

Thoughts lately

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Exhaustion

Exhaustion is my new normal. I feel like I've spent the past eleven years of my life between various degrees of sleep deprivation and exhaustion.

But exhausted doesn't seem to be the right word for the degree of tired I've been lately.

Two trips to Atlanta in two weeks did me in. Plus my boys have been taking turns waking me up at night - usually between the two of them I am up at least three times between 12am and 7am.

I'm really tired.
Bone tired.
Achy legs and stiff joints tired.

I move through the day at half-speed
trying to squeeze in a few minutes of nap
but five year olds are not great nappers
so that doesn't usually happen.

The other day I was sitting with Eli
he was taking a bath - which is one of my favorite moments of the day
because it is a hiatus from the constant demands of following him around all day
I was mentally complaining to myself about how tired I am
when the realization washed over me

there is blessing in this too

in every season
in every situation
in my greatest need
in my darkest hour

there is blessing here

I have been looking for it
searching for it like treasure
the blessing in this season of exhaustion
holding it close
reminding myself of it often

Sometimes I fight the season
strive and struggle
furiously run in circles
trying to make up for my lack
busy busy busy
and miss the blessing

The blessing of this season
learning to let
to let the day be what it needs to be
in scrapping the plan for the day
and just be 
in the moment, with my babies

When I feel strong and capable
when I am rocking my to do list
it's hard to just be 
it's easy to go and go and do, do, do

But some days are just meant to be
some days I have to just let
and there is power in the letting

and blessing in learning to ask for help
I hate it
avoid it
but have to do it when I'm in this season
when I'm face to face with my lack

Asking for help is important
humbling myself and saying
out loud
I need you
is powerful

So I'm glad that I finally got a full night's sleep and have more energy today and I think I have a better perspective on what is important. I want to embrace this day and not fight this season, whatever it is, and find the blessing.

5 comments:

  1. It's ok to hibernate! It's Autumn, and time to slow things down.

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  2. Love you so much dear one.
    It is hard to think when so tired... and I don't have kids to chase any more!

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  3. I know several people in this "season" me included. I just blogged about it yesterday... I'm soooooooooooo tired too!!!

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  4. Such a good reminder: there is blessing no matter what state I find myself in.

    ReplyDelete

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