Monday, February 8, 2010

trying to start this week right

I've got grocery shopping to do, a huge mound of laundry to be folded and put away, a fussy, clingy sleepy boy. It seems like the perfect day to stay at home and get things done, but here I am going to play group. Today that feels like the right thing to do. The sun is shining again and it's time to go out.
On Saturday night Josiah was up from 11pm until after 2am. Katie-Abigail AND Emma were up after Josiah finally fell asleep in our bed. They both wanted to sleep in our bed too. So needless to say we did not try to make it to church. We hung out and watched movies, but by the end of the day I was feeling really depressed. I kept trying to remind myself that it was mostly just from being tired and to be gentle with myself, but I was a grumpy mess. I was crying like with tears and everything when I tried to put Josiah to bed. We watched "Love Happens" and I cried tons more but at the end I was saying "that's the stupidest movie I've ever seen" I never say that, even about horrible movies. I went to bed and cried more, ugh. depression sucks. grieving sucks too.
So today is about taking care of me. Getting out with other people helps. Working hard at home to clean things up helps sometimes too. I just made myself a wonderful green smoothie. It turned out perfectly.

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