Monday, October 26, 2009

learning a lesson

This is a photo of my Beth. She's such a "typical" first-born. She's a take-charge kinda' girl who has a lot of power struggles with the mama. She's awesome and brilliant but we have to work really hard at having a relationship.
I'm reading this book called "Redirecting Children's Behavior" and it's been a great tool, it causes me to look at my parenting from a new angle and gives lots of examples. Today I was reading about power-struggles and how to re-direct a child's desire for control by giving them the opportunity to make choices.
So I had this idea - I'll take Beth with me to the grocery store and I'll let her make all of those little choices I hate to make - sometimes I think that the spaghetti sauce manufacturers have it in for people like me, I mean come on! Do we really need ten different flavors of spaghetti sauce?
It was awesome Beth enjoyed her time with me a LOT. I bought her some chapstick and a .33 package of Funions and she was just the happiest little kid in the world! She made a lot of really great choices. I directed her towards the brand I wanted to buy and she usually chose stuff that she's seen in the house before so there was zero fighting. I think I got through my shopping faster too cause she was there to help!
So I thought I'd share this little nugget of wisdom, since it worked for us.
BTW: Emma (daughter #2) has more need for attention so I'll be taking her next week so we can have one on one time.

3 comments:

  1. that's such a great idea! I know how you want to connect with her, and I'm so glad you were able to. Love you!

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  2. ...and ps- she could come help me make decisions ANY time! :)

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  3. go mamma Faith! Kudos. Jillian's not old enough to do things like that with her... :)... but in the classroom with my kids that's a classic challenge. I have a few kids that are specifically like that... they want to take over the class!... it's super annoying! :)... however, obviously it being your daughter is quite different.... there is some major extra love there and at the end of the year she's not going away so to damage your relationship is huge.
    To be honest, this is one of my fears I have with Jillian. My mom and I seemed to always clash in our opinions, tastes, learning styles, and ways of thinking. When I was a kid I never really got on well with her... now, by God's grace I love her more than anything and I greatly value her opinion and wisdom as a mom. I guess... I just want to have a good relationship with Jillian from the start. I'm not sure exactly what Jillian will be like (however, I do think she's head strong... like her mama), but I hope I can strive and be creative (like you) in connecting with her even from a very young age.
    Teaching has helped me in dealing with headstrong and controlers but, there's still that lingering fear... "how will it be with my own daughter?" you know?
    Anyways.... I admire your creativity and your huge efforts to love Beth as she is and look for ways for her to succeed! I'm sure as she gets older...she will see that too!!

    -amy

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