Friday, October 10, 2008

just life today

Katie-Abigail had the hiccups today for the first time in forever. She was so funny! She thought she was going to throw up at first but then she got a little more used to the sensation and started to giggle we put together a puzzle to get her mind off of her hiccups - it was an amazing little moment.
Later we (Katie-Abigail, Josiah & I) played in the living room with balls and listened to music. I was trying to get laundry done but as Katie-Abigail said "dance with me" I couldn't resist. So we danced and we wrestled and we rolled balls around and I just sat there on the floor thinking "this is all I can do" for now anyway.
See, exhaustion is just a part of every day these days. Life is very busy and very full and I never ever get even half of the things I would like to do done in any given day but when I stop thinking about everything I think I should be doing and just concentrate on what I am doing I find my boundaries more quickly. I find myself saying "this is just all I can do" and being content with that. In that place of peace within myself I find the strength to do those extra things that we all dreamed about as our bellies started to swell and we felt new life growing inside of us. You know, dancing with little feet, baking cookies with little hands, drinking in the little laughs and wondering at the miracle of their little lives. I treasure my two little ones so much remembering how quickly their big sisters grew out of their littleness. I don't want to waste these precious days beating myself up about what I can't do, so "this is all I can do" has become my little mantra to remind myself that I'm not super-woman.
I think I tend to (in my mind) hold myself to super-high standards. Sometimes I feel like I need to treat each child as if they were an only child, care for my husband and my home as if we didn't have any children at all and keep up my appearance as if I were single. That is totally impossible when I've got four little kids! It was impossible when I had two little kids!

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